Deep Reflection on 9/11

I wasn’t going to write a lot on the 14th anniversary of the 9/11 attacks in New York City, Arlington Virginia (the Pentagon) and Shanksville, PA, but when I woke up this morning, I watched a compilation of events on Fox News and it brought me emotionally back not only just that awful day 14 years ago, but every year thereafter. It evoked memories and stress that will never leave me and many others.

Then I sat down at my computer at 5:30 a.m. and the first email I opened was from Lisa Dionne, the dear friend, colleague and compatriot, who journeyed with me to New York City soon after 9/11 for a powerful but painful piece of journalistic work that will stay with me forever.

Lisa Dionne was the editorial director of JEMS at the time of 9/11 and both she and I received multiple phone calls from people asking why there was so little coverage and details of the EMS response and efforts on 9/11. We all knew that there were not many survivors after the Twin Towers collapsed, but no one knew the role of EMS crews and managers on the streets, in the communication centers and in the command centers of each incident that fateful day.

So we made a professional, financial and emotional commitment to pack our bags and go to New York City since it was the epicenter that tragic day, to get the EMS story directly from those that were directly involved and impacted.

The JEMS management and editorial teams made a decision that fateful day that we would commit all of our resources to tell the EMS story directly from those that were involved.

Lisa and I made quick contacts and gained approvals to travel to New York and speak with responders.

We packed our bags and left for New York, unable to sleep well the night of our arrival, fearful of what we knew we were going to hear as we spoke to responders/survivors.

Then we awoke early in the morning only to find out that some bureaucratic red tape was proposing to block all of our editorial efforts.

I picked up my cell phone and called then EMS chief and friend Robert McCracken, and explained our situation to him.

Like a roman warrior, he quickly navigated the bureaucracy and obtained the approvals necessary for us to interview responders and officials from FDNY and the many 9-1-1 affiliated and designated services that were involved on 9/11.

Those days spent interviewing horribly impacted responders are probably some of the most important and yet horrific moments in my career — both an EMS provider and journalist.

We printed much of what was told to us, but purposely avoided printing perhaps 60% of what was revealed to us to shield and protect the emotions of the responders who bared their souls and recounted the terrible emotional aftereffects of 9/11 on them during the countless hours of interviews we conducted in EMS offices, hospital ED entrances, EMS stations (seated at picnic tables), walking the streets of New York City, in cafes and restaurants late at night and via telephone for those who could not meet with us personally.

I am not going to print specific names in this brief 9/11 article because there are not only too many to name, but also out of fear that I would neglect to name even one of these tremendous EMS responders/individuals.

I will only tell you that, although every single one of them was scared and fearful of losing their lives that awful day, not one of them ever mentioned during out time together that they were hesitant to respond, act or even unwilling to sacrifice their life to save the victims that they knew were trapped or injured as a result of the attacks. This is perhaps the greatest tribute that I can give to those responders, many of whom have since retired from their jobs either as a result of disabilities from that day, or after completion of a long and hard career in EMS, with awful memories that they carried with them every day after 9/11/01.

We can also not forget the coworkers who maintained EMS response throughout their districts throughout the day, weeks, months and years thereafter. For those that were not directly involved at Ground Zero the first day, there were terrible emotional scars that you need to understand occurred because they all wanted to be there, be involved and take care of their friends and colleagues.

There was way too much stress involved in an incident to truly relate in just one article. I hope one day to be able to document it further in a series of articles or a book so that EMS responders will forever understand what happened, what perhaps should not have happened, the traumatic and never disappearing/ending physical and emotional after effects of that day in multiple jurisdictions throughout the United States.

Our editorial staff felt very bad during and after compiling our first, epic 911 supplement (Courage Under Fire) supplement because we felt that time did not permit us to do justice to the events that also occurred in Arlington Virginia, at the Pentagon, a structure which many people fail to realize was equally as large and populated as the Twin Towers, but on a vertical, 5-sided basis. (Download: www.jems.com/articles/supplements/special-topics/courage-under-fire.html )

We also felt that we had not done justice to the emergency responders in Shanksville, PA. Even though they did not get called upon to treat survivors from the plane crash, they too were subjected to stress and emotions similar to their colleagues in New York and Virginia experienced.

And, we also felt that we had not done justice to the emergency responders from New Jersey who mustered a massive amount of personnel and resources, and cared for thousands of civilians and emergency responders that were forced to flee across the Hudson River to New Jersey.

So we made another commitment, and journalist Teresa McCallion and I returned to those areas in subsequent years and on subsequent anniversary dates to attempt to document their stories as well. Their stories are detailed in the follow-up supplement out of the Darkness that you will find on jems.com or at www.jems.com/articles/supplements/special-topics/out-darkness.html

I will close by telling you that Lisa Dionne, Teresa McCallion and I made many friends that we had not known before during those many months and years after 9/11. They all became a very close part of the JEMS “family” as well as our personal families and they will always be in my thoughts and prayers.

Many have gone on to become paramedics, positions and other fulfilling careers. Some could never return to EMS. Some ended up on disability, and regrettably, several ended up taking their own life.

We cannot, and should not, ever forget those who responded, those who died, and those who picked up the torch and continue to carry on their great emergency response efforts, many also bearing emotional scars that can never be erased.

I ask that on this day each year, you thank all of your friends and colleagues for their efforts in EMS because they too bear, often unspoken, horrible emotional scars and nightmares from horrific call that, although not as traumatic and compounding as those experienced by the 9/11/01 responders, are equally as painful to them.

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